The Good, the bad, and the $#&@

Coping in a chaotic world

My plan today was to keep this post upbeat and positive until I read about another change to obliterate trans-folks from history. This one feels both personal and ridiculous. But let’s start with the positive.

The Good

I had my regular dermatology appointment this week to look for signs of bad stuff going on with my skin. I suffer from eczema and am reaching the age where I seem to get new moles and marks every single day. What made the visit better than usual (sitting in my underwear in a medical office is never fun) was my conversation with the medical office person as I scheduled my appointment for next year.

Regina is the beautiful Black woman who checked me in when I arrived and then scheduled my appointment when I was ready to leave. She remembered my birthdate and then looked for a year from now for my next appointment, February 16, 2026, which also happens to be President’s Day next year. I made a comment about the current occupant and we ended up talking for quite a while about what was going on. She talked about her fears, both for herself as a person of color and for her friends who don’t fall into the cis-het-male-Christian bucket, and especially for her friends in same-sex relationships like mine. It was a meaningful conversation even though it was unexpected in the moment.

As we wrapped up the brief chat, I reached out to her and she took my hand. I said, “I see you!” She replied, “I see you too!” We squeezed each other’s hands, and I had to wipe a tear from my eye as we separated. I thanked her and said I looked forward to seeing her next year. She told me to come early so we could talk more. I hope she remembers me next President’s Day. I will surely remember her.

The Bad

Robert Hubbell’s excellent newsletter from last night, which I read over breakfast this morning, mentioned another change that the current administration made to the National Park Service website regarding the Stonewall National Monument, citing Erin Reed’s Substack as the source:

Protests Erupt At Stonewall After Trump Removes Trans People From Monument Website

It is definitely worth reading and subscribing to Erin’s posts. I lived in New York City from 1981-1986, and I loved going to Greenwich Village just to walk around the park or stand under the street signs of Christopher and Gay.

Christopher and Gay Street Signs (Photo credit: Alamy)

I am not old enough to have participated in the Stonewall uprising, but I learned about it through the news and knew that it was the start of a change in how LGBT people would come to be viewed. Protests like Stonewall and later ACT-UP during the HIV/AIDS crisis helped the LGBTQIA+ community to find common ground and to stand up for our rights. I am happily married and able to be on my husband’s federal retiree health benefits because of the work of these - and many other - groups.

The fact that the National Park Service would remove transgender references from the page about Stonewall is completely offensive and illogical. The trans women who threw bricks and fought the police are legendary! They started the battle before the rest of the protesters joined in.

I’m glad that this move by the administration is getting some pushback. I hope it continues. And I think I need this as a widget on my desktop.

The $#&@

I’m infuriated by so many things this week. Here’s a small sampling:

• All the stupidity around changing the name of the Gulf of Mexico. Earlier this week I found a complaint about Google Maps kowtowing to the administration by renaming the Gulf (but only for US users) that was elegantly written. I shared the post on Bluesky when there were about 2,400 people who clicked the “I have the same question” button. It’s now over 5,600 and growing. But the capper was when the administration barred the Associated Press (the AP!!!) from the briefing room and air force one for refusing to do the same.

• JD Vance revealing his true self (practically wearing a swastika band on his arm) saying that Chancellor Scholz wouldn’t be in office for long.

• Pete Hegseth being, well, Pete Hegseth.

• Trump and Putin having a phone call to discuss peace in Ukraine without including Zelensky.

There so much more (USAID’s demise, the DOGE website hacks, Eric Adams) but I can feel my blood pressure rising.

One more thing

To end this on a more positive note, here’s a little story about me and the Mister…

On February 12, 2004, then-Mayor Gavin Newsom of San Francisco announced that all couples were invited to come to City Hall to get married. The first couple to be married that evening were Phyllis Lyon and Del Martin, who at that point had been together for 50 years and were pivotal in the early gay rights movement. Phyllis and Del were also former neighbors of mine when I lived in the Noe Valley neighborhood.

Steve and I looked at each other and decided at that moment that we would both call off work the next day to go stand in line and get married. We’d been together six years at that point, so this wasn’t totally impulsive! We arrived at San Francisco City Hall the next morning (Friday the 13th, no less) at about 7:30. I texted my boss to tell him I would be in that day. I said “if you are aware of what’s happening at City Hall, you’ll know why.” He called me back to say “how can we get in on this?” I said we were standing in line and I didn’t know how long it would be, but probably about an hour. We were couple number 86 in line.

The people standing in line were all abuzz with excitement. That day still stands as one of the most momentous days in our lives as a couple, as well as the best Valentine’s Day. As luck would have it, we were able to have our “wedding” right in the rotunda at the top of the stairs. My boss and seven or eight of my co-workers were there standing around us as we said our vows. My boss even signed our marriage license as the witness.

A CNN news crew was roaming around shooting video. The correspondent, Rusty Dornin, stood back and watched our brief ceremony. Afterward, she interviewed us, which was broadcast later that day on Anderson Cooper 360.

The following evening, the Mayor and City/County Commissioners held a celebration and reception for all the couples who had participated in the weddings on Friday and Saturday. It was the best party I’ve ever attended where I wasn’t the host. (That’s a joke - I hate large gatherings.) Here are the photos of our wedding as well as the party afterward:

This was the second of our three ceremonies. Our first, labeled our commitment ceremony, was in June 2000. It will forever and always be our wedding anniversary; this year will be our 25th. The second was the one at City Hall, later annulled, but still special for how the day turned out. The last one was in August 2013 after SCOTUS overturned California’s Proposition 8 that made same-sex marriage illegal. That’s the wedding that counts for getting us all legal so that I can receive health benefits as the spouse and we can file joint tax returns. We call the 2013 ceremony the one where we renewed our vows.

While we don’t subscribe to the typical Valentine’s Day stuff like roses, chocolates, and sappy cards, we still celebrate love and all the ways that we can share it, including being married to my best friend.